Wow it's been a while! So I'm getting ready to go back to school and I must admit I'm crazy nervous! I'm worried I won't do a good job, that I'll get lazy or depressed or sick. I guess I really shouldn't worry about these things and instead I should prepare for in case that happens, so I'll know how to handle the situations, but I can't help it. I can't help but wonder if I'm ready. Or if I'll ever be ready. I mean don't get me wrong I am so excited. I can't wait, it feels so good to know I'm going to be taking classes again and I love that feeling. I just can't get the scared feeling out! Anyway I'm not going to fill this entry with all of my worries partially because I'm sure there wouldn't be room! Haha, but I'm learning that I have to have faith in things before I can see the miracles happen. I need to have faith that I'm home for a reason, to trust that the Lord has a plan for me, before I will find out why exactly he's sent me home. I have to have faith that I will find the reason. I have to have faith that I will have what I want before I can receive it. Faith literally does precede the miracle. Maybe the Lord will test my patience though in waiting for the miracle to come, but I know it will. I know it because I know the Lord loves me and he has a plan for me.
It's funny the way things don't go the way you think they will. Two years ago I thought I was going to go back to school. I was admitted and I was on my way, but the Lord had other plans and wanted me to go on a mission, and I did to. So I went on a mission. A year ago I was in the MTC, I expected that right about now I'd be in Florida six months away from being done with my mission. Again the Lord had other plans. Leaving my mission was honestly harder than getting there. I'm realizing more and more that I need to stop looking back and keep looking forward, to keep moving and making progress. I don't know what's going to happen, I'm not making anymore plans. The only solid thing right now is this summer. After that I have no idea what's going to happen, and maybe that's the way it should be. Maybe I should just learn to let go a bit and try to fly. I'd like to say that my plans at the end of the summer were that I would rethink going on my mission again and applying to be a full time student at the University I'm doing the summer program with, and if I don't get in there then I'll be headed to another school I've been accepted to. But even that could change dramatically.
But something I've found is that when I stop making plans, I start living.
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