Every once in a while I'll be somewhere and something will remind me of my mission and all of a sudden I'll be back in Florida on the University campus riding my bike in the rain. It's like I'm really back there. Or I'm in a car on the way to visit a ward member. It's enough to knock me out for the rest of the day. I literally almost can't function. It's like my mission and the fact I went home early because I was sick is haunting me. I know everyone says that I've doing quite a bit of missionary work since my mission, but nothing can get the nagging thought that I was kinda cheated out of the rest of my mission out of the back of my head.
It's mission reunion season and I probably won't get to go to mine this time which I'm kinda sad about but I keep reminding me that I'm always depressed when I get back from the reunions. I don't know as many people as everyone else and I don't feel like I belong. No one cares if I'm there. No one's excited to see me there. It's not much of a reunion for me. That's devastating. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. Anyway, this is just what's on my mind. I went to a friend's homecoming today and then a kid from my home ward is leaving on a mission and between the two I just felt tortured by the "what if". I know I would be a different person right now if I had, but not a better different person. That's honestly what keeps me going.
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