honestly? I don't feel like I can talk to anyone. I had a friend this week ask why it is that they feel like they are taking care of everyone else but I take care of them. I guess it's because that's who I am. I take care of people. I know that people try to return the favor and try to be there for me when I need them and they are a lot of the time but...I just don't feel like I can really talk to anyone. I try but I just end up feeling bad.
I'm going home and I'm scared. I don't get along with my dad...and I'm afraid of what's going to happen when I get there. I don't even feel safe here and I'm hundreds of miles away from home it's scary to go back into the center of it all. I don't know why I'm going home, it won't make a huge difference than if I stay here, but I feel like there's really not much keeping me here. I am so confused about so many things and I just can't do it anymore. I feel like it's going to be better for me to go home and be isolated like I am every time I go back and just not be around people. I don't feel like I belong here anymore. I know it's stupid and if anyone here knew I felt this way they'd probably be mad at me, but I just don't feel like anyone really cares. I know they do, but the feeling is there nagging in the back of my head. And that's ok, I really don't expect anyone to give a crap because there's more to life and I need to just get over myself.
But I can't help but feel alone. I've messed so many things up and been really stupid so really I've brought it on myself in a way. I still have my friends but maybe it's my fault that I can't really and I mean REALLY talk to them.
Ugh I feel like this is so whiny of me. I don't mean to come across like I'm complaining, I mean I guess that's in essence what I'm doing, I just need an outlet. And for some stupid reason this felt like the best way to get this off my chest.
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