Secret Thoughts

Venting Secretly

honestly? I don't feel like I can talk to anyone. I had a friend this week ask why it is that they feel like they are taking care of everyone else but I take care of them. I guess it's because that's who I am. I take care of people. I know that people try to return the favor and try to be there for me when I need them and they are a lot of the time but...I just don't feel like I can really talk to anyone. I try but I just end up feeling bad.

I'm going home and I'm scared. I don't get along with my dad...and I'm afraid of what's going to happen when I get there. I don't even feel safe here and I'm hundreds of miles away from home it's scary to go back into the center of it all. I don't know why I'm going home, it won't make a huge difference than if I stay here, but I feel like there's really not much keeping me here. I am so confused about so many things and I just can't do it anymore. I feel like it's going to be better for me to go home and be isolated like I am every time I go back and just not be around people. I don't feel like I belong here anymore. I know it's stupid and if anyone here knew I felt this way they'd probably be mad at me, but I just don't feel like anyone really cares. I know they do, but the feeling is there nagging in the back of my head. And that's ok, I really don't expect anyone to give a crap because there's more to life and I need to just get over myself.

But I can't help but feel alone. I've messed so many things up and been really stupid so really I've brought it on myself in a way. I still have my friends but maybe it's my fault that I can't really and I mean REALLY talk to them.

Ugh I feel like this is so whiny of me. I don't mean to come across like I'm complaining, I mean I guess that's in essence what I'm doing, I just need an outlet. And for some stupid reason this felt like the best way to get this off my chest.

Secrets

So...if I'm wrong I'm going to feel like an idiot.
I stumbled across a blog entry and at first I was like...wait are they talking about me? And then I read on and somethings didn't match up but some were dead on to what had happened... so I'm not sure if I was the one being talked to or not...
So...if you read this (and you'll know who you are if you do) and you were talking to me...somehow let me know in another post. I'll be watching for it.

...my roommate just petted me with her foot...

I know that not everything in the world is about me, and it's been so long there's a good chance I'm completely off my rocker but I just can't shed the feeling that I need to at least put this out there in case what I think is correct.